I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
