3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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