i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
