i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
