So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
