I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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