that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
