i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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