There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
