So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
