it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize