just come out here and I will go home with you...
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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