so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
