Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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