dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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