We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
The air was thick with penises
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
