Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
