the new term for farting is butt boxing.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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