just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
