She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
