i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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