You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
