He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
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