Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Randomize
