24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
