The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
