did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
And then my night got REAL pukey
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
