u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
