Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
love makes seman taste better
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
