Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
