party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
