Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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