dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize