Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
not ubering you a puppy
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
