Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
