I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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