I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
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