Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
