Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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