Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
