There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize