If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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