smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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