Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize