the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
