I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
