does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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