Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
