i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
