just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
