Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
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