So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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