I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
she pinky promised me she was 18
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
