You're a womanizer and a bitch.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
