Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
