My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
There r osticjed everywhere
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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