I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize