I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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