Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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