I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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