i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize