How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
We are all done wearing pants today
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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