I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
