Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
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