i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
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