so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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