So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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