Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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