I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize