Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
