The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
