I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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