It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
