She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize