Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Maybe he injected his testicle?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
