I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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