For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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