"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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