What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
