Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
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