My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
