I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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