you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
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