I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
