Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Randomize
