how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize