My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
