Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize