I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
