Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
