Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
