don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
