I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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