Non-Jews are for practice
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
