I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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