Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
