i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
